If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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