Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
