Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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