Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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