I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
