Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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