Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
