If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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