Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
