hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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