My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
