Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
