And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
