Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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