The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She needs sedatives and a leash
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
