I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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