I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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