He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
