She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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