Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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