i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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