He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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