the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
