i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this boner is exhausting
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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