question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
