Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
