The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
