I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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