You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
