When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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