i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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