Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
