just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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