Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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