That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
