So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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