No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
