It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
