dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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