I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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