If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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