awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
