If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
