Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
