At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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