People in love make me want to vomit
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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