Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
