I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
