I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
