So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize