talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
