You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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