just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?†This is time sensitive.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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