So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
