I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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