The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
