sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
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I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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