How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
