why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
