Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
