I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
