So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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