...so i touched it.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
