Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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