No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
