i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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