My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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