i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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