Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize