Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
