I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
