Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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