he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
