Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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