so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had sex on a roof
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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