Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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