he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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