FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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