i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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